The emotional trap of self publishing

I remember back to the day that i was accepted by my publisher and grin. The excitement of the moment was a wonderful feeling, then reality set in. I had absolutely no idea what to expect and approached each one of the task i was assigned by my publisher with glee and wonder. What I didn’t expect was how addictive all of it became.

I was told to market, to establish an online presence, create a blog, yada yada. For me, each one of those tasks took on a life of their own, I became overly concerned with collecting followers on Twitter, writing blog posts, finding ways to automate posts, and more yada yada.  My whole existence became about the presence I was told to establish. The thrill of my work being in the public eye was gone. In short it was all about the marketing, the creation of the author persona, the peddling of my wares to a world I didn’t know.

The tasks my publisher requested I perform all made sense, and were the right things to do to make money selling my compilation of words to an unsuspecting readerdom. I went out into that world expecting to end up being the very next Stephen King. What happened along the way was completely unexpected.

I became obsessed with keeping in touch with the people I had connected with via the world of micro-blogging. The book no longer mattered, what mattered to me more than anything else was showing the world what a great, caring, and wonderful guy I wanted to be. I became overly active in seeking validation from people I had never met. My TweetDeck application ran 18 hours a day, and I started skipping out on family functions because I was afraid I would miss that one Tweet of the day that would make me feel good about myself. The obsession with external validation nearly drove me insane.

And all this happened in a short 4 month span of time.

Today is not the same. Today the creation of Dream State has to stand on its own, it has to be good enough by itself without my being overly concerned with whether people get it or not. Today, I have some one that manages and secures all those things for me that need be accomplished to get the word out. Today, I rarely use Twitter.

Today I am again comfortable with me, warts, bumps and all.

I hope that some one out there can identify with my tale, and find some solace in knowing they are not the only one feeling the feelings they have.

Namaste,

Robert

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4 Responses to “The emotional trap of self publishing”

  1. Tweets that mention The emotional trap of self publishing « Robert E Crull -- Topsy.com Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Robert E. Crull. Robert E. Crull said: The emotional trap of self publishing: http://wp.me/pG0q4-5V […]

  2. Veronica Says:

    Good for you Robert. You fought against the twitter monster and won. 🙂 Too bad the same can’t be said about me. 😦

    I am glad to see you back even if its only online.

    Buenas noches, querido Roberto. 😀

    Veronica

  3. Winslow Says:

    I wanted to remind you of things you advised me last fall when I was struggling with my own demons of “to self-publish or not to self-publish”; you said ‘just write for the joy” and “let the writing live its own life.” You were a catalyst in the path I took and I’ll be grateful for the rest of my life. Maybe all the twittering was your role in affecting my destiny! :-)) Bless you, dear Bob.

  4. Toni Says:

    @Winslow That’s a great thought that Robert gave you!

    I think too many authors seek validation or redemption in self-publishing (shaking their fists at ‘the man’) when it should really be viewed as what it is: simply a way to print your book, to have it physically exist somewhere in the world. The rest is up to you and your goals!

    Sounds like you have a great mindset now, Robert. Best of luck!


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